From
the Rage Archives
Truth
is found through devotion,
and intensity is the only true measure of devotion.
The
Rage on Conversational Competition: Smack and Trash Talk
Like
it or not, verbal sparring is part of just about anything remotely
resembling a sports contest. We are fed by a steady diet of
obnoxious talk shows. We must constantly endure cell phoneys
strutting through airports intentionally talking loud trying
to impress upon people they don't even know how important they
must be. They really think we all want to see their incredible
"multi-tasking skills" (don't you hate that term?). With wireless
technology, we now all get to hear how some insecure CEO wannabe
can ream their employees or how they must certainly be bringing
the service rep on the other end of the phone to their knees.
And then there are the countless sports commentators grasping
for the mother of all metaphors, trying desperately to be the
next Dick Vitale (for some reason). There are even a few out-Rageous
babblings on this very website. So let's talk about two tools
of "conversational competition" commonly called "smack" and
"trash talk," and see where runners might fit in.
Smack
I might be wrong,
but I will go out on a limb and say that out of all the methods
of expressing one's self in the spirit of competition or just
plain verbal jousting, "smack" is spoken best. Why? Because
it's short, sweet and coming from the right person and done
at the right time, timeless quotes are often produced. You don't
have to go too far to read some classics. Just
check out the 10K Truth quote page.
In short, smack
can be defined as clever, eloquent and spontaneous one liners,
perfectly timed that adds fuel to competition (see full definition
in Runnerspeak). Okay, so let's set the stage for our smack
example: The game is at Lambeau Field and the temperature is
a tad bit above zero. Anyone with any appreciation for some
Truth conditions, either running or playing some good 'ol smash
mouth football knows what I'm talking about…wind chill about
fifteen below, everyone blowing on their hands…sort of like
getting ready to run the 99
Steens Rim Run (see race report page).
O.K., back to the
scenario at Lambeau…Not since the Fran Tarkenton days have the
Vikings played outdoors. The sideline heaters behind the Vikings
bench look like F-14's on full afterburner. The Packer's sideline?
Several linemen are sleeveless. In Lombardi's day, you wouldn't
need an energy crisis to keep any wussy heaters off his sideline.
Anyone showing up for the Packers training camp quickly learn
this, too. Fans? An entire row of some of the best guts in the
Midwest are on proud display, protected only by the thin layer
of bratwurst grease inevitably applied during the violent intake
of four smothered with saurkraut and mustard in the parking
lot. Given this scene, imagine if you were a Packers DB trying
to do anything to get into Randy Moss' head as he breaks the
huddle, blowing though his receivers gloves. This guy is good,
and if you are going to direct some smack his way while walking
back to the huddle, it'd better have some Truth behind it. "Hey,
Moss. Is that your heater they're carrying up to your boss's
sky box?"
Please note that
smack is not delivered in an in-your-face manner. A respectful
smacker gives the smackee an opportunity to smile and give a
little back…Moss might respond with something like, "The only
thing you'd better hope freezes in those skyboxes today is your
boss's headset." Touche, baby.
On the playing field,
the most effective smack delivered is the kind that is backed
up. Some good examples are on our quotes page on this website.
Imagine the scene leading up to Shoeless Joe Jackson asking
a fan "Hey loudmouth. How do you spell triple?" I'll bet Jackson
didn't need any classless gestures standing on third base after
this particular three-bagger. Just a simple matter of fact question
to the guy in the front row who now is sinking slowly in his
box seat while trying not to spill his beer, with about 200
people within earshot all collectively thinking what an idiot
he must feel like after popping off loudly while Jackson was
in the on-deck circle. Beautiful. Or
what about Muhammad Ali standing over what's-his-name laying
on the canvas and bending down to the guys face and asking "What's
my name?" after being sarcastically and repeatedly called
"Cassius" throughout the fight. I'll bet the guy wished he'd
never said anything. This is pure smack.
If you are like
me, I usually can't think on my feet fast enough. Some of my
best one-liners are usually delivered to myself as I am driving
away in my car…long after the fact, when it's a completely moot
point. But occasionally, all of us get our big chance. The key
is not choking when you get it.
Trash
Talk
Imagine a rapper
without a brain. Without wit, all you have left is rhythm and
"spews." The typical fully automatic trash talk discharge usually
is interlaced with some ramblings about your athletic skills
being not much better than your (or their) mother's. Just once,
I would love someone's mother actually appear from out of the
stands and make the play. I am going to venture to guess Trash
Talk all started in pro wrestling, and metastasized from there.
A loud voice is the only other prerequisite, which usually is
a given with the other previously mentioned qualifying criteria
(Hint: the Lion and Tin Man don't qualify). This might explain
why there is so much more of it while so little true smack is
spoken in our world today. Sitting next to one of these idiots
at any sports contest is excruciating. Having season tickets
next to one should be a form of capital punishment.
The one safe place
for both trash talk and smack in running is during relays. If
you run on our team, don't expect some gushing "you're looking
good" encouragement as your fellow team mates lean out the window
as they pass by in the van while you're hoofing up some steep
hill. Typical "encouragement" comes in the form of: "Is that
all you got?" or "You can open it up any time, now." Of course,
all of this is in jest, and yes, you do need to be careful who
you are delivering it to. You also need to know when to cool
it if your runner is really hurting or might appreciate some
useful information…like where they are on their leg and how
far they have left to go.
But overall, and
fortunately for our sport, most of the talking is done on the
track, trails and hills, baby. However, there are a few examples,
such as the Michael Johnson vs. Donovan Bailey 150 meter dash
fiasco run a couple of years back with the winner getting some
ridiculous sum of money to end their argument over who was the
fastest, with Johnson ultimately pulling up lame coming off
the turn. More recently, we had Maurice Green and Johnson going
at it again in a season long verbal battle leading up to the
Olympics and, sadly, included both of them failing to qualify
for the Olympic 200 at the Trails. I believe this is a classic
example of how two otherwise fine competitors can get too caught
up in each other and costs each of them dearly. A 200 final
with those two running at their best was something we much would
have rather seen without all the trash talk which I suspect
might have done nothing more than help distract themselves and
the rest of us from the other runners who beat them. I'll bet
you can remember Green and Johnson's names, thanks to all the
hype and, yes, trash talk, right? But, in case you have forgotten,
the others are: John Capel (19.85), Floyd Heard (19.88), Coby
Miller (19.96), Berrnard Williams (20.03) and Kenneth Brokenburr
(20.33).
So, the Rage says:
Keep your smack short and sweet, and remember, trash talk can
be hazardous to your heat. Just ask Green and Johnson. And that's
The Truth.
The Rage 2/24/01
